No, the man replied. Q: Why did the boy lock himself in his house on St. Patricks Day? Sham-rock and roll. Your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned. Funny Leprechaun Jokes for everyone! I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus homeThat may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before. He goes up to the urinal to piss as well and is shocked at the guys big dick. Because they're always a little short. Look, David. Apparently, asking a dwarf why he isnt wearing his leprechaun costume was offensive. They worked up along one street and then down the other. He glanced down and saw that the dwarf was hung like a horse. A leprechaun who recycles. Emphasis onsome. In the 12th pub, both are quite drunk by now, Sean isn't looking to good. Who's there? What did the leprechaun say when the video game ended? A: Leprechaun spelled backwards. Connect with us on your favourite social media app. A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. Irish Who? Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. It gave a lot of high grade milk and when theyd milk it theyd take it to make milk and cheese and take the excess to sell and. Some horse lost its shoe! Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 139 Best Funny Pick Up Lines To Make Her Laugh & Blush, 179 Steven Spielberg Quotes That Will Inspire You, Funny Penguin Jokes: 11 Best That Will Make You Laugh & More, Dead Birds Falling From Sky Are The Fallout From The Great Resignation. Paddy says: "see it works, we didn't pay did we?" Man: "Oh yes, I've always A: To get to the other side, Q: What do leprechauns leave out on their lawn all summer? Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? A man walks into an Irish bar and orders a tall glass of Guinness. Wheres my husband? you ever tried pushing one of these Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves tongue! A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom. Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Why shouldnt you borrow money from a leprechaun? Theyd rather jig than jog. Raise your hand if you are 1% Irish today. and offers the man three wishes. Disclaimer: This is a Russian joke which I am translating after a few too many glasses of wine. Scientists have located the gene for alcoholism. He couldn't afford plane fare Comedy Gold! What should that man do? Urine luck. So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. Do people get jealous of the Irish? OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. They reach the first monestary and knock on the door. Pat. That you have too much time on your hands! They need all the luck they can get! So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow! A Paddy-long-legs., What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? ", Let me tell you about the day I grew up. Why don't women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day? Q: What do you call leprechauns who collect cans and plastic? Q: What basketball team do leprechauns cheer for? Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold? Pressing, the man says, "How could I make mine that large?". He gets wet! Q: What was the leprechauns favorite kind of music? The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. He is pretty lost, but suddenly he sees a leprechaun sitting on a rock. Terri Robertson is the Senior Editor, Digital, at Country Living, where she shares her lifelong love of homes, gardens, down-home cooking, and antiques. Nevertheless, we are masters of this. Jade is currently on a campervan adventure around Europe, where she continues to get her travel and food inspiration. "I gotcha! In the dictionary. The leprechaun wiggles his fingers and Bam! The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." "All right, I've got you this time. 1. Well one of them is a cunning runt. A passerby saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldnt understand what they were at. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The Leprechaun says, "I'm a Leprechaun, I can have whatever I want.". May the roof over your head be always strong. None of these leprechaun one liners are dirty. Ive put the little b*stard in our garden. What do you say to someone who just got peed on by a leprechaun? Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". A: Irish you a Happy St. Patricks Day. If you like these funny leprechaun jokes youve just read, please check out these 21 absolutely hilarious and short Irish jokes because theyre awesome. He was just minding his own business when I sat down on the stool next to him and ordered my drink. and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?". When it's a FRENCH fry! Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. Why are so many leprechauns gardeners? Q: Why do leprechauns hate marathons? Bob and Jim are chilling in the park when Bob has to take a shit. Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of gold? Look up! Whats Irish and stays out all night? When short after a real short guy wearing a leprechauns costume walks in to use the urinal next to him. It counts as a vegetable! The man agrees and states "for my first wish I'll have a pint of Guinness that never runs out". Q: What basketball team do leprechauns cheer for? Lets see how they like listening to the little b*stard! After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." ", Colm goes out one fair evening for a solo round of golf. I havent been feeling myself lately, replied Paddy. The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! How many tunes should the bard play? St. OClause! Why do leprechauns hate running? He parks the car and runs over to them. Mother superior answers the door and is surprised to see two leprechauns, one looks older. To stop himself from falling into the stew. One of the questions was How do you stir sugar into your tea?. By looking over your shoulder. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. So the american guy bends over and leprechaun starts fucking him in the ass. What's the leprechaun community's answer to Comic-Con? He tees up and cranks one. In lepre-condos. Although youll find heaps of funny Irish jokes above, theresheapsof jokes that have been added by readers in the comments section. The Mother Superior opens the door and the first leprechaun doffs his hat then stammers and stutters, "T-t-t-top o' the mornin' to ye, sister!". "You look magically delicious, and I just happen to be a cereal adulterer." When he opens a stall he sees a little man in green suit. So what does she look like, Paddy? asks Seamus. The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. Q: Where can leprechauns always find gold on St. Pattys Day? Dirty jokes, to be precise, are as common in Ireland as sheep on a country road, so we just had to create a list of the best to give you a good laugh. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!. Who's there? Easily offended? A: In the dictionary. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! I'm not going to wear green today, but I am wearing blue pants and a yellow shirt, so pretty much the same thing. With soda bread. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. How does every Irish joke start? What's an Irish jig at McDonald's called? Police believe they're all victims of character assassination. With a quick snap the men are on the rainbow. Q: How can you spot a jealous shamrock? "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day." A Paddy long legs. How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of gold? Because he couldnt afford a plane ticket. The farmer accepted without blinking. Why make the Easter Bunny so lucky? If you ever catch a leprechaun, they may grant you 3 wishes so youll release them. Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? Curious about the little fellow, the man looks over the wall separator and tries to get a glimpse of the smaller man's. Well duh, why else would leprechauns hide their gold at the end of the rainbow. A: A lepre-con. What do you call a nomad with a lucky charm? For his first wish the farmer wishes for all the land in Texas to. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" He keeps walking, hoping he'll make it home but he can't hold it in anymore. Irish people regularly take the piss out of each other, but its common knowledge that the other person is joking (well, most of the time). What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? Beer drinking Joke teller. What do you say to the smartest person you know on St. Patricks Day? The man unzips and assumes the position when in walks a very short red-bearded man wearing a green suit and green bowler hat with a clover in it. Please check if there are posts that match all the below criteria. Thats 150 miles from here., His wife asks who it was, and Paddy responds, It was some eejit asking if the coast was clear.. "Because," giggles the leprechaun, "leprechauns don't have tallywaggers." What's the difference between wisdom and luck? I was sent home early today. Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and an Irish wake? They like to "go" first class! God. A rainbow 3. But this is a newsagents'. Aleperchaunspelledbackwards. What do you call a fake Irish stone? Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. You haven't met an Irish Women yet! What are the best shoes to wear on St. Patrick's Day? and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?". A: Short ribs. Just water, replied the priest. And when 'e saw ye with 'is eye An American man goes to Ireland and goes to an Irish pub. That mayflower fellow? What does it mean if you find a horseshoe in Ireland? Sean is really pissed off at first that Paddy spent their last money on a sausage, but Paddy lets him in on his plan. 'Was he ill long?' Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Continue with Recommended Cookies. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Two Irishmen at a funeral Two Irishmen were walking out of a funeral. A troll, a hag and a leprechaun walk into a bar Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night. A: They refuse to leave the green. Web( Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes) Knock, knock Whos there? Leper Leper who? Lepon con and Im here to pinch you. Whats the bad news? Theyre awesome. The American asks, "where'd ya get that big dick? The Scottish man says,..yeah. So go ahead bend over for me Sonnie! The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy. Most Irish people are just witty by nature, and the classic one-liners and jokes are sometimes just improvised, perhaps after a few pints. A farmer!. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." Q: What did the baby leprechaun find at the end of the rainbow? What do you say to the smartest person you know on St. Patricks Day? asked Bridget. The man grabs the leprechaun and says, "I got you, where's the gold? Are you willing to takea dick this big?" Why do we wear shamrocks on St. Patricks Day? He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. What kind of spells do leprechauns use? WebLeprechaun Jokes. WebThe Leprechaun Joke A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. May you be a half hour in heaven before the devil knows youre dead. My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again, SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! Theyre both for me.. Irish Day Off Jokes Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. When she answered the door, Pat Glynn, her husbands manager at the brewery, was stood on the doorstep. Into my pub one evening, strolled the craziest sight to behold for a Saturday night. Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink on St Patricks Day? What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover? So, they go into the first pub and do exactly as Paddy suggested. May your blessings outnumber The shamrocks that grow, Anto and his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning. ", Paddys walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track. Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. To every monastery in every county. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? After three hours of unforgettable sex, Paddy says, I wonder how the girls are getting on?. Q: What do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation? Because they're always wearing green. You can buy one drink and get a second one free. !, asked the patient. Im a little short., I hardly recognized him, he looked mostly the same, except he had a giant round orange head. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes A pretty girl and an honest one. Have you seen all jokes? A: The Jolly Green Giant! You put a bottle of scotch in front of her. ", until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? One of them knocks on the door.